Russian Imperial Roulette
By Mike Speidel

You’ve been there before: Fifteen minutes ago you walked into the grocery store to pick up the few things you actually remember your wife asking you to get. Ten minutes ago you wandered into the beer aisle and are now frozen in place like a deer in the headlights staring at the endless selection of craft beers in a sweaty, quasi-queasy state of panic.

I feel your pain: A lot's at stake in your selection. You want to choose wisely without having to spend $20 on the six pack with the perfectly punny name and what appears to be a cartoon chimpanzee dressed as a clown? It’s like Russian Imperial Roulette.

The worst case is what your fear the most: You’re perfectly willing to pay the steep price provided it rewards you with a good, dare I say, great beer. But you’ve had your share of misinformed purchases in the past – the three six packs each filled with five unopened bottles in your manifridge serve as a constant reminder – and it’s what haunts you now.

It’s not your fault: There are some downright awful beers on the shelves from which we choose. It’s not possible to step over all the landmines, and it really comes down to taste with exception to the “tangerine marshmallow bacon wheat” you’ve studied twice now (shame on you).

There are as many bad ones as good ones: It’s seemingly no better than a coin flip we will be happy with our choice of beer, and we haven’t even started in on the self-proclaimed home-brewmaster swill. You see, it’s not particularly difficult to brew beer, in fact, you probably know someone who does. Some of them are qualified, professional, and brew great beer. Others are most certainly are not and should be beaten with their own wing cappers.

This concept loosely applies to airport striping contractors: It is difficult to avoid the ones that don’t know what they’re doing because it’s not difficult to have the look of a qualified contractor.

Basic striping starter kit: parking lot striper, materials, tape measure, a $5 string line, and you look good to go. Like the proud DIY brewmaster standing next to a pot and kettle holding a hydrometer, you can easily look the part.

No qualifications: Without the benefit of an expert’s palette to spit out “bad beers”, the aviation industry will continue to be unhappy with the results and safety will continue to suffer. Requirements for certification training at the airport/state/federal level would help rid the industry’s shelves of the “Poor Prep Porter” and “Painting Under the Influence Ale”.